The Nicholas And The Mom
This Kid Is So Loved By Me. That's What This Is All About. Mom's Love. I Love Shelden & Carter - My Other 2 Sons Who Aren't With Us. We Miss You Much. I'm Starting To Get All Teary Eyed With Pride Here. I Have Only Had Nicholas Back For A Year. Due To Past (And Even Some Current) Issues In Our Lives, Nicholas' Dad Had Him For 2 Years Until His Dad & Step Mom Made Mistakes Which Led Up To Me Having Nicholas Since Jan 27 Of Last Year And Getting Full Custody Of Him Back In August. While All This Was Occuring, I Was Living With My Ex Too. But When I Changed My Life And Went Back To Church, The Love Left, I Got Closer To The Church & The Relationship Fell Apart. I Long Had Since Come To The Realization That I Needed To Take My Son And Leave Because Having Gone Back To Church I Was No Longer Okay Living With A Guy Unmarried. On So Many Levels, He Came To Be What Nicholas Needed Least. That Was Reason Alone To Want To Leave. So We Left On November 3rd. Its Been Rough. We've Been With Emotionally Unsupportive Relatives Who Have Made It Clear Daily How Unwelcome We Both Are - A Burden. But Once Again, Stuck In A Crazy Situation. It Has Been Harder Than Being With The Ex. I Knew It Would Be Rough But Not This Rough.
This Is Our Triumph....
I've Decided That I Would Prefer To Raise Nicholas Alone Than With Someone. When We Were With That Guy "George" It Was Hard To Care For Nicholas The Way I Needed To. I Worked At Home And Didn't Have Money Of My Own. I Was Pursuing Child Support, But I Didn't Get My First Payment Until Just Before Christmas. Though I Was Searching Hard For A Job, I Didn't Have One At The Time, I Just Barely Got One And Today Was My First Day. (Feels So Great!) Through The Holiday Season, I Didn't Know How My Nicholas Was Going To Have A Christmas. But God Never Fails, My Child Support Came Days Before. I Did A Mad Dash Of Christmas Shopping & Bill Paying. But Like I Said, When We Were With George, I Didn't Make The Money So I Had To Fight A Lot To Buy Things For Nicholas That He Needed. These Were My Problems. More Often Than Not, The Guy Did Not Prioritize Nicholas' Needs Over His Own. Worse Often Was That This Guy Didn't Have Any Kids Of His Own So Nicholas Was His First Experience With Kids. Boy Did It Show. We Fought A Lot About Nicholas' Discipline. I Was Told One Day After I Stood My Ground (Again, But This Time I Had To Make It Stick) And Told Him That He Couldn't Discipline Nicholas Any More Because He Was Overstepping My Authority And Making Huge Detrimental Mistakes With Nicholas That George Felt Disrespected Because I Wouldn't Let Him Any More. I Told Him If Anyone Was Disrespected Through That, It Was Nicholas And When Nicholas Has Been Disrespected, So Have I. George Once TOLD ME He Didn't Want Nicholas To Eat After A Certain Time Because That's How George Gained A Lot Of Weight. WRONG! No Matter What The Motive Is Otherwise, YOU NEVER DELIBERATELY MAKE A CHILD GO HUNGRY IF YOU CAN HELP IT!!! You Don't Tamper With This Mom's Kids. I Had Decided Long Before Then That It Was Over & I Was Going To Take Nicholas As Soon As We Were Finally Able So I Knew It Had To Stop Because I Knew He Didn't Have A Future With Nicholas.
So Bottom Line, I've Discovered Since That I Am The Only Person In This World That Nicholas Loves & Respects Like This. He Doesn't Take To Other People Well Especially Men, Which Explains Why His Father Failed & Why George Never Stood A Chance.
I'm At The Point Because Of Men Whether It Be His Dad, Relatives, Or Mates That I'm Better Off To Give Nicholas Just Me.
My Life Is All About Nicholas And Being There For His Brothers As Much As I Can Under The Circumstances. But In Particular To Nicholas, What I Am Trying To Say Is What Nicholas Needs Most Regardless Of What Everyone Says, Is Me. He Needs Me To Love & Care For His Needs, He Needs Me To Support & Raise Him. He Needs To Know That This Will Never Be Compromised And That He Can Depend On Me. I Can Make The Decisions. I Can Give Him What I Want. I Can Make Our Home The Way We Want It. We Don't Need Anyone To Disagree With. We Want To Just Be Us.
Nicholas And I Have Been Through A Lot. We Need Some Mommy & Me Time. When He Came Home To Me Last Year, He Didn't Have My Undivided Attention Because Of George. I Think Nicholas Needs Alone Time With Mom Where He Can Be Himself And Be Happy. Nicholas And I Have Grown So Much As Mother And Son. I Loved My Kids With All My Heart Before. But He And I Have Grown So Much Closer. Lately I Have Impressed Upon Him Heavily That Its Me And Him Together, We Can Be Happy, We Can Make It Together! I Work Hard For Him Non Stop. I Have Now A Full Time Job And I Am Active In His Education. His Teacher Knows Me More Than She Knows Any Other Students Parent In That Class. They Both Know I Care And That I'm There That Often To Make Sure He Gets The Best Education Possible Because That Is Part Of What Being A Mommy Is All About.
What's Wild About It All Is This. I Know Now That One Of My Biggest Mistakes As A Parent Was Thinking I Needed A Man To Be A Good Parent. To Rescue This Damsel In Distress With My Babies. To Care For Us In Every Way. Right. I Prayed For It. But That Time I Thank God For Unanswered Prayers. I Never Had Faith In Myself. But Then I Had George That Was In Too Deep. You Know How That Story Went. It Would Be A Victory. I Can Do It. I Want To Do It. I Want Nicholas To Be My World Unconditionally, With Undivided Attention. I Get To Be A Team With Him. We Make Choices. We Decide, Together. That's The Way We Should Be. I Love You Nicholas!
posted by Shanni Sullivan & The Boys @ 8:46 PM
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